If a person you cared about has died, and they explained, prior to passing away, that they only wanted you and a few others to attend their funeral, here are some steps that you can take to ensure that their funeral service is small and private.
Find a funeral home that has a private funeral chapel available
In a situation like this, the most effective way to ensure that you honour the deceased's last wishes is to find a funeral home that has a private funeral chapel on its premises. The reason for this is as follows; if you host it in the main room of the funeral home or in a local church that is open and can be accessed by any member of the public during the day, any individual who is aware that the funeral is taking place could walk in and join the other guests. Similarly, if your loved one asked you to organise the cremation of their remains and you decide to have their service at the crematorium, anyone who is made aware of this service could join you without your permission.
Conversely, if you book a private funeral chapel at a nearby funeral home, the funeral director will make sure that anyone who has not been expressly invited to this service will not be able to enter the chapel whilst it is taking place. You can put your mind at rest by knowing that only those that the deceased wanted to be present at the funeral will be there and that there is no risk of the service being interrupted by unwelcome visitors and thus allow you to direct your thoughts and energy towards making the service itself as memorable and special as possible.
Wait until after the funeral to publish the obituary
You can't keep the news of a person's death concealed from the general public after the deceased's obituary has been published online or in the local newspapers. Whilst arranging for the service to be held in the private chapel at a funeral home, as described above, will help you to make the service itself private, you may still find the run-up to this event quite challenging if the obituary is published before it takes place.
The reason for this is as follows; people that the deceased knew, but specifically forbade you from inviting to their funeral, may decide to badger you for an invitation to the service if they catch wind of it as a result of reading the obituary. This may lead to you having to have some very unpleasant conversations with these persistent individuals, during which you state that they cannot attend because the deceased did not want them there. If you are not an assertive person and they are very pushy, you may even find yourself agreeing to let them come, simply because you cannot say no to them.
Having to fend off these people, whilst you are trying to cope with your bereavement, could be very upsetting. Because of this, it is best to wait until after the funeral service has finished before publishing your loved one's obituary.
Look for a private funeral chapel near you to have a private memorial service.Share